Hate Mail

• Dear "10-Day Top Coat": YOU ARE A LIAR. If anything you should call yourself "4-Hour Top Coat." Thanks for nothing, Dicknose. Love, Lauren
  
  
• Dear Lonely People: Have some kids. You will never be alone again, not even to poop. Love, Lauren
  
  
• Dear Tom Cruise: Your teeth do not line up with the rest of your face. Please stay off of my tv. Love, Lauren
  
  
• Dear Living Room Carpet: Your weird colors wreak havoc with my poor ability to distinguish colors, and therefor are the perfect camoflauge for unpleasant carpet mines (like raisins, and poop, and every small, sharp toy my son owns). Thanks for NOTHING! Love, Lauren
  
  
• Dear Lauren, please ease up on the CAPS. You are already too shouty. And quit saying "thanks for nothing"...it has lost all meaning at this point. Love, Yourself
  
  
• Dear Self: THANKS FOR NOTHING! Love, Lauren