Oops I did it again...

Here's a bonus that I didn't publish from January (further proof that 2011 is a sneaky bastard):

Last night I was awakened by the pathetic cries of a child in distress...and greeted them with the pathetic grumblings of an adult who was comfortably sleeping. Jack was banging on his bedroom door and sobbing, and as I took the last step towards his door to open it, I heard the telltale splash of a deluge of pee hitting carpet. I opened the door to find him, half-asleep, confused, ashamed, tired, and standing in a puddle. I was shocked and tried to get him to explain why he didn't use the bathroom that is off of his room. He couldn't put together a coherent answer, so I stripped him and got him into a steamy shower and then proceeded to mop up pee. Now I can't tell you how many times in the last 10 years I've been suddenly awoken by someone's need to defecate...or to the evidence that they ALREADY HAVE. Not to shock you, but this is seedy underbelly of life with children and dogs.

When all was once again peaceful (and dry) I consoled Jack as I put him back to bed. He was really embarrassed that he had had an accident (who wouldn't be?) so I consoled him the only way I knew how: "At least you didn't have to poop!"

Conception

Jack has been expressing more and more interest in the origins of human life. While I'm tempted to sign him up for a biology class at Wake Tech, I've resorted to sharing my knowledge...in child's terms, which I prefer to use anyway...because it's funny. Jack comes up with a lot of his own generalized answers, which I haven't corrected because they're all sorta right anyway.

We've covered the bases ("inside-out penises"), and where babies grow ("girls have a guest room in their belly"), why mommies nurse ("you have holes in your chest and the milk you drink falls out nice and warm...because babies don't like cold milk"), and why men don't ("my nipples are for decoration").

Tonight, as part of the ongoing discussion, Jack explained to me where babies come from originally--as Sydney crawled all over both of us on the couch. "Actually, I'm pretty sure that babies come from a factory."

"Really?" I said, eager to hear his new line of thinking.

"Yep. And I'm pretty sure it's the same place they make sausage."

Overheard

Jack: I'm really pumped about the Superbowl this weekend.

Me: Really?

Jack: Definitely.

Me: Wow...who are you rooting for?

Jack: The Steel Packers.


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Sydney, upon seeing any professional sport on tv: FOOTBALL!!!!