Overheard

Dan is putting Jack to sleep, and they're lying in Jack's bed talking quietly.

Dan stops talking to clear his throat, and Jack proclaims loudly, "One thing I DO know about myself...when I cough hard, I FART hard."

Dan quickly says goodnight and runs from the room, shaking with silent laughter.

Jack calls after him, "I can hear you laaaaaaughing!"

Overheard

Jack, while I help him put on underwear and pajamas: Do you know at night my penis and my butt trade places?

Me, distracted: Wait...what?

Jack, totally serious: Yeah, like the ceiling fan. They go around--my penis goes to the back, my butt goes to the front. My butt goes to the back, my penis goes to the front.

Me: Wow.

Jack, skeptically: What, you've never heard of this?

Overheard

Jack: I'm really pumped about the Superbowl this weekend.

Me: Really?

Jack: Definitely.

Me: Wow...who are you rooting for?

Jack: The Steel Packers.


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Sydney, upon seeing any professional sport on tv: FOOTBALL!!!!

Overheard

Dan, changing Sydney's diaper: "Keep your hands off of your lady parts!"

Dan, trying to feed both children: "This is becoming less fun for me!"

Jack, over Sydney's screeching: "Do you want to keep this baby?"

Jack, sniffling: "This booger is like a giant like a T-Rex in my nose."

Co-worker, on being proselytized to at work: "He's a great guy, but he is jacked up on Jesus."

Overheard

At the bank today, a man on his cell phone waiting in line behind me:

"Weeeeellll you know that Theodore is gonna be there. We'll just have to put up bug-zappers and buy some ice. Do you still have those ear-pugs? Mmmhmmm, and bring some extra beer."

I would really like to know what issues Theodore has that necessitate all of those bizarre items. Not entirely sure what it could be, but it sounds like something I could get onboard with.