QUOTES

When I was in college, I used to keep a mental list of the funny things that my roommate said (which were even FUNNIER taken out of context) and then write them to her in notes to cheer her up before exams/after breakups/during hangovers. I never quite lost that tendency, although my memory doesn't work as well as it used to so now I have to write them down.

Here are ones that survived my holey brain (thanks mostly to Allison and iNotes):

"YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF THE BATHROOM!"

"...especially because I LOVE clams, and I HATE sausage!"

"There is a remote chance that you are mildly confused."

"This is NOT delicious."

"I wonder if this is what the parents of kids born with the wrong biology feel like..."

"Reminder: You are not a boy."

"You need to use UrbanDictionary.com. I cannot, in good conscience, explain this to you."

"I don't know what's going on in my mouth right now."

"At this point, you could pour it all over me, I'm so wet."

"Oh yeah? Do you want to compare butt puddles?"

"It wasn't as thick and creamy as I wanted."

"I have to tuck it in if I want to keep it."

"Basically the only normal thing about me is my pap-smear."

"I don't want it to squirt in your face...or mine!"