All of it.

So we went to the beach. With another family: one small mother, one large father, two 1-year old BOY twins, and a 5-year old clone of Jack. Luckily we were smart enough to hire a nanny for the week to watch a portion of this mangy group of children so we could sit on the beach in semi-peace and pretend to be adults that still have fun and don't scream at people. At least in public.

All in all we had an AMAZING time. It was the best vacation I've had in 6 years. Swimming, football, bocci, sunbathing, seafood, beers, board games, dogs; it was awesome.

Upon our arrival home, Jack's grandparents were here visiting from out of town. He was elated to end his week of vacation in their presence. They had also brought with them an incredible gift.

Backstory: Jack loves Legos. He tries to talk Dan and I into taking him to the store to buy a new box of them every weekend without fail. He squirrels away any coin he finds into his piggy bank, saving up to invariably BUY MORE LEGOS. He already has three shoe-box sized bins full of them. Maybe four. I can't keep track of them unless it's by stepping on them in the dark, in which case I would estimate that he has about 4 billion.

So anyway, Grandma and Grandpa bestow upon him his ultimate Lego dream: an enormous box of them that contain the components of the mega-huge police station. This thing has a guard dog, bad guys, two police vehicles and a whole several-story police facility complete with garage bays with sliding doors AND cell blocks that ALSO HAVE SLIDING DOORS. (The Legos I grew up playing with are Amish in comparison to this shit.)

As promised, I helped Jack begin construction on the police megastructure tonight. He could barely contain himself in his excitement to get this thing put together. He's usually pretty adept at following the instructions, but I had promised him to throw it all together quickly so he could play tiny-man-incarceration.

I'm leafing through the end of the booklet, making sure that I've completed the steps on one of the pages when I notice a (typically) bizarre activity occurring in my peripheral vision. I look up to see Jack excitedly squeezing/groping his chest.

I stopped and stared.

"Uhhh...what are you doing to yourself there?" I asked him.

"Pinching myself!" He squealed, unable to sit still.

"Uhhh...where exactly are you pinching yourself?" My voice getting higher.

"MY NIPPLES!" He screamed.

I lost it. Construction was halted--to resume tomorrow night.