I know that Jack is officially a small man now because of several weird things:
1. He can get a drink from a water fountain all by himself. (It also helps that he is 4' tall at age 3.)
2. If I ask him to remind me of something, he does it. (This might make him smarter than me.)
3. When I give him an ultimatum, he tries to negotiate.
4. He does the fake, I'm-so-cute smile when he wants something.
5. He cries at the sad parts of movies. (F-you Disney.)
It is nice to know that I will soon have a screaming chub-ball to ease me through this transition. I still find it hard to believe that I live with a person as endearing and terrifying as Jack, and that he is about to be TOTALLY ECLIPSED. And who better to do it than a woman!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
You know...
Me (screaming): Jack, I'm not telling you again to get over here!
Jack (coming closer): You know...
Me (deep breath): ...what?
Jack (in a patronizing tone): It's not nice to yell at people.
Jack (coming closer): You know...
Me (deep breath): ...what?
Jack (in a patronizing tone): It's not nice to yell at people.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
An Open Letter...
I often solve my "problems" by writing letters. Either to the party that I am aggravated with, or to myself (as in, Dear Lauren, stop having kids). This has proven to be very fruitful in the past (with both Roy Rogers and my state legislature) and to encourage Jack to resolve problems with words, I am writing this open letter to him.
Dear Jack,
At (merely) age 3, you have already given me so much experience and knowledge. For example, I already know the difference between battery and assault (I want to be aware of my rights) and how long you are willing to scream before you give up and do things my way (approximately 40 minutes). I know your strengths (eye rolling) and weaknesses (gummy bears) and also that I can survive being sprayed with any bodily fluids that you can produce (although Dinah helped a lot with this one). I can now see the world and note how insignificant most problems are when compared with the daunting task of keeping you alive (despite your siren call of infanticide) and teaching you how to be a nice person. I only hope that a) I succeed, and 2) that if I do, you will help solve some of the world's problems (undoubtedly through video game technology).
Mostly I now know that I want to do this all again, the sleepless nights, the magical baby poop that can escape diapers, and doing 9 times the laundry of a normal human. I am excited to haul around another lump that will eventually share with me the intimate contents of her brain and make me laugh so hard that I have to pull the car over. I am grateful that I got to start off this "experience" with a boy who is sturdy enough to withstand my mistakes and hurt feelings (you get your robot genes from your father) and who might be the most perfect big brother to a sister who hopefully doesn't turn out to be too much like me (or Dan for that matter).
Please don't make me kill you before you go to college.
Love,
Mom-EEE
Dear Jack,
At (merely) age 3, you have already given me so much experience and knowledge. For example, I already know the difference between battery and assault (I want to be aware of my rights) and how long you are willing to scream before you give up and do things my way (approximately 40 minutes). I know your strengths (eye rolling) and weaknesses (gummy bears) and also that I can survive being sprayed with any bodily fluids that you can produce (although Dinah helped a lot with this one). I can now see the world and note how insignificant most problems are when compared with the daunting task of keeping you alive (despite your siren call of infanticide) and teaching you how to be a nice person. I only hope that a) I succeed, and 2) that if I do, you will help solve some of the world's problems (undoubtedly through video game technology).
Mostly I now know that I want to do this all again, the sleepless nights, the magical baby poop that can escape diapers, and doing 9 times the laundry of a normal human. I am excited to haul around another lump that will eventually share with me the intimate contents of her brain and make me laugh so hard that I have to pull the car over. I am grateful that I got to start off this "experience" with a boy who is sturdy enough to withstand my mistakes and hurt feelings (you get your robot genes from your father) and who might be the most perfect big brother to a sister who hopefully doesn't turn out to be too much like me (or Dan for that matter).
Please don't make me kill you before you go to college.
Love,
Mom-EEE
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Return of the Kin
We survived the beach. Barely. My parents' truck broke down both on the way TO the beach and on the way home, necessitating towing both times as well as the fire department on the last time. It was a show...but what else did you expect!?
OTHER than that it was great! The weather was amazing, and the boys played in the sand all day long, which is unbelievable given their past performances. Jack would have stayed in the ocean 24/7 if we didn't keep dragging him out. Dan and I have determined that he needs swim lessons ASAP because his lack of caution is undermined only by his lack of coordination. I would estimate that he swallowed at least 2 gallons of saltwater during the course of the week.
This year the sandbar was lower than usual, so you had to swim through chest-deep water to get to the knee-deep water of the sandbar. This was the hot destination for the boys, who kept screaming, "Let's go to the bar!!!" My sentiments exactly.
One night we took the boys to an arcade where Jack attempted to play ski ball with hilarious results, and I had to resist the strong urge to bring home hermit crabs. I am proud to say that the only person who got sunburned was Big Gary, who is ironically the only person with Native American genes in the group.
OTHER than that it was great! The weather was amazing, and the boys played in the sand all day long, which is unbelievable given their past performances. Jack would have stayed in the ocean 24/7 if we didn't keep dragging him out. Dan and I have determined that he needs swim lessons ASAP because his lack of caution is undermined only by his lack of coordination. I would estimate that he swallowed at least 2 gallons of saltwater during the course of the week.
This year the sandbar was lower than usual, so you had to swim through chest-deep water to get to the knee-deep water of the sandbar. This was the hot destination for the boys, who kept screaming, "Let's go to the bar!!!" My sentiments exactly.
One night we took the boys to an arcade where Jack attempted to play ski ball with hilarious results, and I had to resist the strong urge to bring home hermit crabs. I am proud to say that the only person who got sunburned was Big Gary, who is ironically the only person with Native American genes in the group.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
On the Clock
So somewhere, somehow, Jack has learned how to tell time. Unfortunately, this does not necessarily include the input of a clock. Today as we were watching our morning cartoons, I told him, "As soon as this show is over, we are leaving for school." (He likes to be told in advance what is next on his itinerary...not unlike Donald Trump.)
"OK Mama, but that is not for 10 minutes." And he was right!! He has this bizarre internal clock that really works. And 9-minutes later he says to me, "Maybe one more show?" Such a finagler. He tries this at bedtime, and he knows when I am too tired to put up a fight. He looks into my eyes and judges the amount of energy I have left in my body to deal with him, and if it's low enough, he turns on the charm. The other night he convinced me that we should watch Futurama in my bed before bedtime, and since it was only 8pm, I agreed...foolishly. Well, we got cozy with the lights off and I immediately fell asleep--leaving him to watch an episode of Futurama and an hour of the news--before he woke me up (by slapping my face repeatedly).
"Mommy!" he said, "it's past my bedtime!"
"OK Mama, but that is not for 10 minutes." And he was right!! He has this bizarre internal clock that really works. And 9-minutes later he says to me, "Maybe one more show?" Such a finagler. He tries this at bedtime, and he knows when I am too tired to put up a fight. He looks into my eyes and judges the amount of energy I have left in my body to deal with him, and if it's low enough, he turns on the charm. The other night he convinced me that we should watch Futurama in my bed before bedtime, and since it was only 8pm, I agreed...foolishly. Well, we got cozy with the lights off and I immediately fell asleep--leaving him to watch an episode of Futurama and an hour of the news--before he woke me up (by slapping my face repeatedly).
"Mommy!" he said, "it's past my bedtime!"
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Fun on the Bun
Jack (from the bathroom, loudly): Stanley's watching me poop!
Me (shouting to the bathroom): Just do it anyway!
Jack (still screaming): Stanley! Look at my shits!
Me: Jack, we do NOT say that word.
Jack (falsetto): Look at my pooooooo-oooops!
Me: That is better!
Also, Jack got a new Batman Batcave toy this weekend, that is equipped with an "elvabator." Hearing him use that word over and over has made it worth all $40.
Me (shouting to the bathroom): Just do it anyway!
Jack (still screaming): Stanley! Look at my shits!
Me: Jack, we do NOT say that word.
Jack (falsetto): Look at my pooooooo-oooops!
Me: That is better!
Also, Jack got a new Batman Batcave toy this weekend, that is equipped with an "elvabator." Hearing him use that word over and over has made it worth all $40.
Beach
The Dolibers will be arrive this week from Colorado to accompany us to the beach in Topsail. (North Carolinians love to pronounce things in a non-phonetic way. This beach is called "top-selle" just in case you want to sound cool when you talk about it.) This is the best beach that I have ever been to in the continental US. The water isn't Carribbean-clear like Florida's, but it is clear enough to see the bottom--and gorgeously blue-green. Plus the actual BEACH part is perfect for everything...it is soft, flat and wide, with a small sandbar that is exposed at low tide, leaving a channel of warmer water that is perfect for kids to play in and adults to float in on rafts without being pulled down-shore by the tide. There are no life-guards, crowds, or seagulls, mostly pelicans and little water-birds that eat the sandcrabs and clams. We take the dogs, who run around like crazy and splash, and also can relax at the house that we rent, right on the beach. As far as I am concerned, this is the only way to vacation. And it's 2-hours from our house.
I am really looking forward to Jack playing in the sand this year. He was not into it last year and got sick as well, so the trip was a little stressful. This year he is very into building and organizing, so I anticipate some glorious sand structures in his future. He is also at the age where I have my first memories of going to the beach with my Dad's family, before Leslie was even born, and they are some of the best. It makes me feel good to know that we are giving him some of the same comforting and fun rememberances that I have from my childhood...back when I was an only-child. Hehe.
I am really looking forward to Jack playing in the sand this year. He was not into it last year and got sick as well, so the trip was a little stressful. This year he is very into building and organizing, so I anticipate some glorious sand structures in his future. He is also at the age where I have my first memories of going to the beach with my Dad's family, before Leslie was even born, and they are some of the best. It makes me feel good to know that we are giving him some of the same comforting and fun rememberances that I have from my childhood...back when I was an only-child. Hehe.
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