So the bebe started kicking me today hard enough to be felt on my growing exterior. It is quite exciting. Wednesday we find out exactly what sex this crunchy cheese snack will be. I told Jack that if he is right and it is a girl then he can have ice cream everyday for the rest of this week.
Tonight Jack informed me, after telling me that he couldn't go to sleep because it was still light out (I remember using that one on my Dad), that he was a "Rock Star" and was "still busy rockin' the stars." Seriously, where does he get this stuff??
Monday, April 27, 2009
My humble apologies
I am truly sorry for ever making fun of people who have had cavities (especially you Dan). I had to get two teeth drilled on today and it has effectively ruined my life. My perfect enamel record of 17 years has been shattered (and so has my face and jaw). I look like an actor wearing costume makeup from the set of Beetlejuice. If any of you ever have cavities I will bring you soup and facial compresses and sincere apologies.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Random
Jack: Is this pillow for me?? *Gesturing to old pillow sitting on couch*
Me: Uh, sure.
Jack: I love pillows! I love to lay down on it. This is my perfect home.
Me: Uh, sure.
Jack: I love pillows! I love to lay down on it. This is my perfect home.
Wha?
I totally forgot how STOOPID pregnancy makes you. Perhaps not everyone experiences this, or perhaps I am just so magnificently intelligent that....yeah, that's not it at all.
The good news is that it's not permanent: pregnancy hormones have been PROVEN to disrupt your normal neural pathways to make space for new parenting thought processes, and while I'm waiting for this child to arrive, my brain is pretty much devoid of anything I was supposed to remember, EVER. I just go to the grocery store every day now instead of once a week because it is physically impossible for me to get every item that I need in just one trip. I've also been to the library twice this week (and I still have an overdue book sitting here in front of me). I am complaining about all of this, because (on Earth day) I want you to know that one day, when we run out of fossil fuels, it will totally be all my fault. Because I forgot to stop driving places. You will find me in Milwaukee with a newborn because I forgot that I was pregnant and already had a home and family.
Also, what did you ask me again??
The good news is that it's not permanent: pregnancy hormones have been PROVEN to disrupt your normal neural pathways to make space for new parenting thought processes, and while I'm waiting for this child to arrive, my brain is pretty much devoid of anything I was supposed to remember, EVER. I just go to the grocery store every day now instead of once a week because it is physically impossible for me to get every item that I need in just one trip. I've also been to the library twice this week (and I still have an overdue book sitting here in front of me). I am complaining about all of this, because (on Earth day) I want you to know that one day, when we run out of fossil fuels, it will totally be all my fault. Because I forgot to stop driving places. You will find me in Milwaukee with a newborn because I forgot that I was pregnant and already had a home and family.
Also, what did you ask me again??
Monday, April 20, 2009
DNA doesn't lie...
I went to pick Jack up from school today and two (TWO) different parents stopped me to ask about his birthday party. This is weird because his birthday was in January, but also not weird because HE IS MY CHILD. I assured them that they had not missed their invitations, that his birthday was 4 months ago, and then continued on to his class, where his teacher asked me about his birthday party. "Jack is very imaginative," I explained.
In the car he told me how he is having a Thomas birthday, but girls get to have princess or fairy birthdays.
"You know that your birthday isn't until after Daddy's birthday, the beach, Mommy's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, right?" I asked.
"Oh yeah," he said. "But I'm getting ready. It's gonna be a big party. Can we listen to Poker Face?"
In the car he told me how he is having a Thomas birthday, but girls get to have princess or fairy birthdays.
"You know that your birthday isn't until after Daddy's birthday, the beach, Mommy's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, right?" I asked.
"Oh yeah," he said. "But I'm getting ready. It's gonna be a big party. Can we listen to Poker Face?"
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Our Frito-Lay Baybay
We dropped the Maldonados off at the airport this morning, and on our way home Jack and I were both dejected. And the car was almost too quiet. So we started talking, and that conversation inevitably turned to the baby.
"How do you know it's a girl baby Jack?" I asked.
"Because of Gob." (Said my son, the pee-wee prophet, which is amazing because he's been to church exactly twice in his life, both times for funerals. I don't know where his heavenly influence comes from...certainly not from DAN.) I didn't know how to reply to this, so I asked him what the baby's name was going to be.
"Cheeto." He announced.
"Tee-toe?" I asked (Jack does not always enunciate).
"NO, I said 'CHEETO.'"
"So we're having a girl baby, and her name is Cheeto?" I asked. "Did God tell you that too?"
"No, Daddy did."
"How do you know it's a girl baby Jack?" I asked.
"Because of Gob." (Said my son, the pee-wee prophet, which is amazing because he's been to church exactly twice in his life, both times for funerals. I don't know where his heavenly influence comes from...certainly not from DAN.) I didn't know how to reply to this, so I asked him what the baby's name was going to be.
"Cheeto." He announced.
"Tee-toe?" I asked (Jack does not always enunciate).
"NO, I said 'CHEETO.'"
"So we're having a girl baby, and her name is Cheeto?" I asked. "Did God tell you that too?"
"No, Daddy did."
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Who's there?
Jack is becoming very...testosterone-y. He likes to punch, hit, wrestle, pinch, slap, bonk and slam every body part of his into every body part of mine. Including the more accessible (and sensitive!) ones. Today as I was helping him put on his shoes to go and play outside, he thumped his head against my head twice and said, "Knock-knock self-help!" WTF?
The other night, much to my father's delight, Jack slipped and grabbed at my shorts as he was falling and successfully pantsed me. Luckily I had on granny panties and all anyone got was a shot of ugly flowers. My father laughed so hard I thought that his head would pop off. My parents get SO much joy out of the torture that that their grandchild imposes on ME. Yeah, the hugs and buying presents are great, but seeing your kids experience the awkward, frustrating, embarrassing and disgusting parts of parenthood for themselves is apparently pure ecstasy. I feel bad that Dan's parents aren't getting a first-hand view of the hell that his son is putting him through--I know that it makes motherhood completely worth it for me!
The other night, much to my father's delight, Jack slipped and grabbed at my shorts as he was falling and successfully pantsed me. Luckily I had on granny panties and all anyone got was a shot of ugly flowers. My father laughed so hard I thought that his head would pop off. My parents get SO much joy out of the torture that that their grandchild imposes on ME. Yeah, the hugs and buying presents are great, but seeing your kids experience the awkward, frustrating, embarrassing and disgusting parts of parenthood for themselves is apparently pure ecstasy. I feel bad that Dan's parents aren't getting a first-hand view of the hell that his son is putting him through--I know that it makes motherhood completely worth it for me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
