Southern Edification

Jack learns a lot at school, and it's getting hard for me to keep up with his growing knowledge of the world.  We try to talk everyday after school about what he has learned and usually it's pretty enlightening for me as well.  They just finished learning about the five senses.  According to Jack, they are:  "Touchin', Seein', Tastin', Smellin', and Hearin'."

He is also learning a lot about animals, and often reports on what he sees in the backyard.  He came running to me the other day to excitedly explain that he saw a woodpecker in the trees.  "Mama, I saw a woodpecker!  And he had a looooooooong pecker!"

Numerology

Today my life can be summed up by a number: 0. ZERO.
Details, for your reading pleasure, in the form of a list!

• Number of naps this baby has taken !
• Number of thoughts that I have had that do not involve either coffee, chocolate or suicide!
• Number of husbands/fathers in this house this week!
• Number of words that I have been able to spell correctly, even after serious thought.
• Number of molecules in my body that aren't screaming with fatigue.
• Number of times I have reconsidered my crush on Bear Grylls.
• Number of times I could accurately recall the date (and/or day of the week).
  

A Day in the Life...

It is 10:20am on a Saturday. So far today we have had a breakfast of Pillsbury Orange Rolls (Jack ate two!), coffee, and milk; watched two horrible children's shows on PBS Kids; and made paper airplanes. After the careful construction of the paper airplanes, we had a naming ceremony where each plane was inscribed with it's fitting moniker. We each got to choose one and they ended up as: "The Hulk," "The Corn Dawg," and "Star Wars."

Now for some reason Jack has a little trouble with the 'w' in Star Wars, and ends up pronouncing it as 'star whores.' This is fine because usually it remains a topic only discussed in front of the television--AT HOME. We did run into a glitch this year at Jack's Halloween parade at school; his friend Aiden dressed up like a Storm Trooper. When Grandpa (who was visiting for Halloween, and a guest at the parade) asked Jack who Aiden was dressed as, Jack simply replied "Star Whores." Although no one else overheard, Grandpa didn't miss a beat and responded with "I'd like to see that movie!!"

Minor Threat

Dan has been talking about starting his "own blog" lately, to write about our family (wherein he will undoubtedly deny most of the things that I write about him here--THEY ARE ALL TRUE). He has declared that he will call it, "How Can I Keep From Killing Someone?"

Three Little Words...

WARNING: This post is not going to go how you expect it.

Jack hates dinner. We don't know why. He hates not getting to choose his food, and usually puts up quite the drawn-out drama when confronted with a plate full of SOMEONE ELSE'S CHOICES. Last night he excused himself to go to the bathroom (which usually happens mid-meal) and was gone for quite awhile. I didn't notice how long he'd been gone because I was busy gobbling down my food before "that baby" could wake up and ruin my meal. Dan frowningly marched into the bathroom (amazingly, the door wasn't locked--sometimes that happens, to my amusement and Dan's fury) and I heard the three little words that no one wants to hear uttered in the bathroom...

"WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!?!?" Dan asked loudly. Then, silence. I cringed, waiting for the inevitably gory details.

Apparently he had walked in on a semi-nude Jack, on his hands and knees, cleaning the toilet bowl with one of the hand towels. We still don't know what events led to this situation, but eventually everyone made it back to the table, and dinners were finally consumed. Some under duress.

Like mother...

Last night at dinner, while Dan walked around with Porky-Pants, Jack and I ate tacos. He paused mid-bite to ask me, "Hey Mom? Can you give me a favor?"

Immediately curious, and amused by his grown-up parlance, I agreed instantly.

"Could you please shut that cabinet?" he asked, gesturing to the partially open kitchen cabinet that houses our dishes. I shut the cabinet for him, wondering if he was worried (like I was) that Dan would not see it and whack his head on it, or if he is just super-anal and it bothered him that everything wasn't JUST SO. It occurred to me that when everything is JUST SO, there are a lot fewer injuries in our house--a good excuse to give Dan when he groans about cleaning up the house. Thank you Jack, you little Type A.

How Can I Keep From Working?

The date is looming...the go-back-to-work-date. The re-engage-your-brain-date. Ugh. x500. It's not that I don't like my job, I really do love it, but when you have a tiny young infant, you feel like keeping that needy being alive is your job. Mostly because it consumes 140% of your waking (and sleeping) life. So the thought of trying to cram anything else into my constant vigil against this child being hungry/wet/poopy-loop, just seems impossible. And exhausting.

Meanwhile my success story (Jack) actually asked me if he could do chores last night. It's that time of the year again--when his school collects cans of food to donate to the local food bank. His class this year devised various ways that the kids can help out in order to earn money or the rejects from your cupboard. We try to do a little of each: de-canning (sorry chick peas!) and shopping (hello chili!). In order to help out last night Jack fed the dogs. It's his favorite chore (probably because it's the only one that gives him an audience). Now this sounds very simple, but he has managed to turn it into a multi-step process that includes him conveying the kibble into the two dishes in a rather convoluted manner and usually picking up a great deal of dropped kibble and plunking that, piece by piece, into the respective dishes. Luckily the dogs are not impressed with MERE DRY FOOD so they just watch this process instead of knocking him down and eating their dinner like most other dogs in the Universe would. (Silver lining people, silver lining.)