Rhetoric

Me:  JACK.  Eat your food.
Jack:  How many bites?
Me:  All of them!
Jack:  So...about three?
Me:  Jack, it is the official policy of this household that we do not negotiate with terrorists.
Jack:  Four?
Me:  I'm leaving.
Jack:  No way.

Poopface

Preface:  Do you remember your parents lovingly telling you, "I can't wait for YOU to have kids, then you'll have to deal with this sh*t!" ??

When Stanley was a puppy, (and I was living my ignorantly blissful life in an apartment with NO BOYS), he pooped everywhere, as puppies do.  I remember telling him loudly, "I can't wait for YOU to have kids, then you'll have to deal with all of this doodie!"  (I'm almost positive that I used the word "doodie.") And then I realized, sadly, that that could never happen... 

Fast-forward 8 years and he finally receives his comeuppance, courtesy of Sydney.

He got too close to the business-end of a very powerfully built infant.  That is what you think it is on his nose, and I finally feel vindicated.  AREN'T WE ALL RELIEVED.  I realize the irony of feeling superior to the dog when I am the one who had to de-poop his nose...its like two degrees of fecal torture.  But as it wasn't MY face, I will laugh.

It is mystery!

Lately Jack has taken to exclaiming, after a huge belch, "'Scuse me!  I burped my cubes out!"  We have yet to determine the origin or meaning of this phrase.  I'm learning that, with boys, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark.

Southern Edification

Jack learns a lot at school, and it's getting hard for me to keep up with his growing knowledge of the world.  We try to talk everyday after school about what he has learned and usually it's pretty enlightening for me as well.  They just finished learning about the five senses.  According to Jack, they are:  "Touchin', Seein', Tastin', Smellin', and Hearin'."

He is also learning a lot about animals, and often reports on what he sees in the backyard.  He came running to me the other day to excitedly explain that he saw a woodpecker in the trees.  "Mama, I saw a woodpecker!  And he had a looooooooong pecker!"

Numerology

Today my life can be summed up by a number: 0. ZERO.
Details, for your reading pleasure, in the form of a list!

• Number of naps this baby has taken !
• Number of thoughts that I have had that do not involve either coffee, chocolate or suicide!
• Number of husbands/fathers in this house this week!
• Number of words that I have been able to spell correctly, even after serious thought.
• Number of molecules in my body that aren't screaming with fatigue.
• Number of times I have reconsidered my crush on Bear Grylls.
• Number of times I could accurately recall the date (and/or day of the week).
  

A Day in the Life...

It is 10:20am on a Saturday. So far today we have had a breakfast of Pillsbury Orange Rolls (Jack ate two!), coffee, and milk; watched two horrible children's shows on PBS Kids; and made paper airplanes. After the careful construction of the paper airplanes, we had a naming ceremony where each plane was inscribed with it's fitting moniker. We each got to choose one and they ended up as: "The Hulk," "The Corn Dawg," and "Star Wars."

Now for some reason Jack has a little trouble with the 'w' in Star Wars, and ends up pronouncing it as 'star whores.' This is fine because usually it remains a topic only discussed in front of the television--AT HOME. We did run into a glitch this year at Jack's Halloween parade at school; his friend Aiden dressed up like a Storm Trooper. When Grandpa (who was visiting for Halloween, and a guest at the parade) asked Jack who Aiden was dressed as, Jack simply replied "Star Whores." Although no one else overheard, Grandpa didn't miss a beat and responded with "I'd like to see that movie!!"

Minor Threat

Dan has been talking about starting his "own blog" lately, to write about our family (wherein he will undoubtedly deny most of the things that I write about him here--THEY ARE ALL TRUE). He has declared that he will call it, "How Can I Keep From Killing Someone?"