Monday, December 12, 2016

How do you measure, measure a year?


In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee; in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.  In 525,600 minutes, how do you measure a year in life?  How about love?  How about love?  How about love?  Measure in love.  Seasons of love.


Man, 2016 has been a doozy.  You can really tell, because I'm using old-fashioned, fuddy-duddy terms like "doozy" and "fuddy-duddy."  I guess that I, along with most of America, need to get a grip on a new reality. This was a tough year: we lost a lot, learned a lot, and talked a lot. (Seeing RENT again was very cathartic.)

In order to bolster a much-needed, happy new year, we have decided to add someone to our family this Christmas--instead of saying goodbye again, we're saying hello.  Hello LuLu. Welcome home to start the loud, fun, and often-times ridiculous process of going full Tark.

I haven't managed to get a good picture of her yet (you'll understand why after reading more), but LuLu is a whippet mix (maybe pit-bull or hound?) who approximately 8 months old and 20 lbs. She too did not have a great 2016, and I can't even wrap my mind around what must have gone on in her short past. We adopted her today from the AMAZING organization Carolina Adopt-a-BULLS, a group of people whose dedication and endless generosity of spirit was as inspiring as this heart-meltingly adorable, four-legged survivor. When I reached out to set up a meeting so that we could meet the dog, they got her here all of the way from Charlotte just in case it was love at first sight (and it was).

We aren't sure what happened to LuLu in the first part of her life, but she spent the bulk of it in various shelters, shuffled around and scared.  Most of what I know about her so far is that she is very worried about her future, and pretty scared of everything in general.  The foster mom (who unworriedly peeled LuLu off of the floor of her backseat at the hand-off and plopped her into my car) assured me that this dog is putting on a shy facade, and described her has an "affectionate nut" (so she meets the requirements for Tarkhood).

The drive home was uneventful, and quiet.  Upon arriving at home, I turned off the car and peeked into the backseat...LuLu was in the foot well with her tiny head crammed under the passenger seat, hiding.  She did not seem to care that we were parked, and in the garage.  She did not care that I was softly calling her name.  She didn't move a muscle...she needed to not be seen.

Completely understanding that emotion (which usually happened to me when I had an unruly child in tow), I figured the best first thing for me to give her would be what she wanted: to be hidden.  So I closed the garage door, left the car door open, and the door to the house open, and went about my business (which was doodling around, making conversation with myself, and working, i.e., a typical day of my life).  After 10 minutes she hadn't budged.  So I cut up some pot roast leftovers and took them in to the garage.  I offered her one.  She peeked out with one eye and re-hid with gusto.  I left a nugget of greasy beef on the backseat (a huge act of love in my brand-new car!), and made a meat-crumb trail back into the house. After another 10 minutes I heard the tiny clicks of puppy toes on the garage floor.  I waited, and still no dog.

Upon investigating, she had hopped out of the car, scarfed up most of the beef-trail, and clambered right back in, this time, into the front seat.  Ahhh, progress! I thought to myself.  Having run out of beef, I found a link sausage from Sunday's brunch and cut that into pieces.  I opened the driver's door and shut the back door and then leaned in and offered her a piece.  She looked at me, and slowly leaned over and pecked it out of my had.  I plopped another piece on the driver's seat, and made another trail, this time leading further into the house.

I busied myself for another 10 minutes when I finally heard the joyous sound of puppy feet on the hardwood floor.  We had accomplished a lot in 30 minutes!  I felt encouraged.  I opened the back door and resumed my mindless chattering and singing, tidying and working at my desk.  She availed herself of the backyard, and ran back inside, and then out and in again, testing.  I ignored it. She would scurry around the house, tentatively peeking around corners to keep one eye on me, and then scooting away if we made eye-contact.  At least now she was naked in the house.

Finally, after another 30 minutes of being allowed to be incognito, she decided that she would investigate my office (where I spend most of my day, and where I have set up a crate for her).  There was lots of loud sniffing, which I tried to not giggle at, and then she squeezed past me to settle under my desk, near my warm computer, where my sweet Stanley loved to nap.  I found myself getting a little misty-eyed about all of the changes that have happened this year, when I heard a rustle of furry limbs, and felt a warm, quick doggy kiss on my knee.  Our first physical contact, and I got all of the way to first base!!  I'd say this inning is off to a good start.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

About as fun as gum in my hair...

There's so many ways this story could begin, and just typing this I thought of even more background information, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone with the dangerous levels of ridiculous in this house.

So, Sydney loves gum.  The evidence of this can be found in many indiscreet places: a seat-belt buckle in my car, hanks of hair that had to be cut off her head, the sidewalk in front of our house, the leg of her night stand...I could go on.  Until last night.

She is taking a shower and insists that I be in there with her because someone convinced her that there is a "shower ghost."  Apparently I am the only one capable of scaring it off.  So as she's showering (and singing Tove Lo, also super-appropriate for a 6-yr old), I am tidying up their frat-house of a bathroom.  As I'm putting things back in cabinets, I pick up a large, half-full bottle of mouthwash, only to find not one, but TWO wads of chewed gum FLOATING IN THE MOUTHWASH.

"Sydney!" I exclaimed.

She peeks her head out from behind the shower curtain, demonstrably chomping on a wad of gum.

"Syd...I don't even, why would, ugh....I'll be right back."

So I stomped off to find a trash can (their trash can became a meta trash can last weekend, an entirely different, although no less ridiculous, debacle).  Jack and a friend are playing video games as I barge by, both chewing gum. I gave them the stink eye.

"WHAT!" they asked.

"Sydney is hereby banned from gum.  Do not give that child any gum, no matter WHAT she tells you."

They giggle.

After Syd is dried off, lotioned, brushed, and dressed, I make her spit her gum out and tell her, in my most serious voice (yes, there is ONE), that she is on a gum hiatus.

"'Till when!?" she asks, about to get grumpy.

I blurt out, "For awhile.  We can re-evaluate on your birthday."  Which is in about 7 weeks.

"Ooooooo!" she hoots excitedly, "is that because you're giving me a giant gum present for my birthday!?"

Yeah, I think to myself.  A bottle of mouthwash with chewed up gum in it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Life is a Beach

It's funny the things that you realize about your childhood only after having kids.  And by funny things, I mean realizing that kids are self-centered assholes. So the a big focus of my parenting has been to find and encourage patience and thoughtfulness.  In myself.  Most of the time I can see it.  

Growing up my parents made it a priority to take us to the beach for one week each summer.  We typically went with my father's entire family, including cousins and grandparents.  It was the HIGHLIGHT of my life until I turned 15. (Then driving ANYWHERE became the highlight of my life).

In preparation for the glorious week of sun and sand and squealing, each summer, as the date neared, our small dining room would turn into the staging ground for the things-that-only-happen-at-the-beach: cases of soda, candy bars, bags of chips, those miniature boxes of cereal that come in a variety pack, the list goes on.  All things that were not bought the other 51 weeks of the year.  

As the piles of bacchanalian supplies grew, so did the anticipation and excitement to GET TO THE BEACH.  I had trouble sleeping.  I was not allowed to wear any clothes that were going to be packed.  Everything was organized and prepped and ready to go and it was painfully, ecstatically, dangling in my future.  I dreamed of the boardwalk, the waves, a week with so much adult attention, and all of the food!!!  

Needless to say it was always amazing, the week always flew by, and I accumulated so many happy memories; enough to provide a lifetime of smiles and eager summer months.  So now, as a grown adult, when I take my children to the beach, it is those memories that sustain me.  

They sustain me through:

  • Combing through listings of 47,129 beach house listings for ones that are a) close to the beach, b) not gross, c) allow dogs, d) have enough beds, e) are not hideously expensive, and and f) available the actual week we manage to all be off of whatever we're usually on (work, school, black tar heroin, etc.)
  • Buying all of the items for the dining room stockpile o' junk
  • Lists
  • More lists
  • Washing all of the clothes
  • Realizing no one's bathing suit fits from last year and doing more shopping
  • Answering 5 million questions about exactly when we are going to the beach (these kids need a calendar)
  • Staging and packing all of the clothes
  • Getting yelled at that there are no clean clothes because they're all packed (sure, you only have 7 outfits to your name...mmmhmmm)
  • Cramming, carrying, folding, and tetris-ing all of the things into the back of the car.
  • Doing all of that without losing my temper (HAHAHAHA)
  • Making it to the beach without choking anyone who asks how much longer until we get there
  • Unpacking everyone
  • Making beds
  • Telling small people, that you do in fact realize that the ocean is RIGHT THERE, however you're still busy unloading the car and cannot escort right this second
  • Braving the grocery store for the 19 items that you still need and ice
  • Hating the grocery store for the 19 lines of 5 customers each waiting to check out
  • Hating yourself for hating the grocery store
  • Unpacking all of the groceries and then answering 500 questions about where the snacks are



Overheard

Now that the kids are older (ish), they can get themselves up on a Saturday and fix a modest breakfast.  So on the weekends, Dan and I typically sleep in.  For me that means 9:30am, for Dan...well, let's just say he has the whole hibernation thing down.

I came down the stairs one Saturday morning to find Sydney playing in the sunroom (her "classroom") and Jack on the couch watching cartoons.  As I am nearing the bottom of the steps, she calls to him politely, "Jacky, can you please help me with something?"

"Sure Syd, what is it?" he asks as he walks into the sunroom.

I stop, and hover on the stairs, not sure I'm fully awake.

"I can't open this marker" she complained.

"Oh, here, let me try...there you go!"  He turns to leave. I continue to eavesdrop.

"Thank you Jack!" She hollers at his back.

"You're welcome Syd."

"I love you Jack!!"  Even louder.

Patient but weary, Jack says over his shoulder, "I love you too Syd."

Never one to be satisfied, she calls loudly, "Can I have a hug too?  Just a real quick one."

"OK," Jack mutters as he turns and plods back into the sunroom.

One quick squeeze and it's over, he's back on the couch, she's back to bossing around imaginary students.  A fleeting moment of brotherly-sisterly love that brought me to tears.  Then the tears continued when I saw the mess in the kitchen.

Gotta love them.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

She's Always a Woman to Me

Who knew that being 6-years old would be an utter maelstrom of indignation, independence, neediness, affection, stand-offish ness, and most any other impossible and contrary collection of emotions imaginable.  The cool thing about it is that you never have to wonder when her mood will change, because it's inevitable.

With all of this burgeoning womanhood occurring (WAY EARLIER THAN SCHEDULED), I try to find the really cute little-kid things that she still does and hold on to them like they are the reigns of a 12-horse runaway wagon.  Mostly I love the way she dances when no one is looking, and doesn't really stop when someone does watch...she actually dances HARDER if that is even possible.  She still smiles with her gappy tooth smile and cares not about the booger in her nose or the strawberry jam on her cheek.  She has scuffed sneakers and skinned knees and bruises abound.  She is proud of the fact that she can brush, braid, and put her hair up in a ponytail herself, yet neglects to do any of those things on a daily basis without throwing a huge amount of sass my way.  She cries if you win during a game, but cheats like a mo-fo if you aren't looking and refuses to see any shame in that.

Recently on a family road trip, we were listening to ALL of Billy Joel's songs.  This is how we like to torture our children.  (Typically the hubs and I will decide on an artist, preferably from our childhood, preferably ridiculous, and exhaust their song catalog, and our vocal chords, to entertain ourselves on the road while the children cover their ears in the backseat.)  Well, you can guess what song came on, and you can guess who we immediately thought of.



She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She will promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

Monday, February 15, 2016

Brown Hair Don't Care

Sydney is 6.  SIX.  That means it's been roughly six years since I've added anything to this blog.  Because that is how much LIFE Sydney takes.  SIX YEARS WORTH.  I know that I may sound dramatic, and to those of you who agree, I will bet you $14,000 that you have never met Sydney.

Tonight, during our bedtime routine, she asked to brush her teeth in my bathroom.  As a clean-tooth fanatic, we have toothbrushes in practically every bathroom in this house.  I agreed, and as I stood there watching her watch herself in my mirror, the mirror that I critique myself in each day (well, each day that I pay attention and actually put on makeup, so let's be generous and say every-other day), I was truly struck by the fact that I had created a woman.  Albeit a tiny one, but a budding woman-child who is so excited to greet (and conquer) the world and has not yet been defeated by anything, especially an older brother.

I tried really hard not to tear up.

OK, I tried really hard to not show that I was tearing up.

She spotted it immediately.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked, toothbrush half-out of her mouth and a string of toothpastey-drool hanging down.

"Me?!" I asked, as I feigned having something in my eye.

She looked at me skeptically as she continued her messy dental cleanup.

I took a deep breath and braved her new world.

**ASIDE:  You see, she's SIX.  And not just SIX, but a really brilliant SIX.  She remembers EVERYTHING.  She's already reading at a 3rd grade level and she is only halfway through Kindergarten.  She is savvy.  She is saucey.  She GETS it.  I know that the things that are already happening to her and the things that I tell her will live with her always, and shape the person she grows into being.  DUDES.  This is a huge responsibility.  I'm pretty sure I did not sign any paperwork on this when conception occurred.

"You're weird," she reported, accurately.

"I know.  But that's OK.  We all have our own version of normal, and there will always be people that disagree with that."

"Don't I know it!" she exclaimed, Dolly Parton-style, and completely honestly, as she rinsed her toothbrush and put it in the mug.

**ANOTHER ASIDE:  If there has ever been anyone in this world that can render me speechless, I'm pretty sure that she's the only one.

She turned to leave the bathroom, but looked back at me to see if I was coming.

"Are you just going to stand there looking gorgeous?" she asked.

"No baby, I'll take a break from that and follow you anywhere." I replied.

Please, please World, do not do anything to change this inexplicably precocious and wise woman-child that has wonderfully fallen into my mama-lap.  I cannot live without her.


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Trail of Tears

Stanley: Oooh, it's raining?  I can't poop in the rain.
Me: Well, you're not coming in until you do it.
Stanley, standing in the rain: I REALLY DON'T HAVE TO POOP!  LET ME IN!
 ...20 minutes elapse...
Stanley: I totally don't know why, but someone pooped in the living room.