Ah the joys of maternity clothes. As if you weren't the most awkward and ridiculous shape, the makers of maternity clothes feel that you might as well have clothes that don't fit correctly either. Now I can imagine that designing clothes for someone shaped like a moose can be quite difficult, but COME ON. Space travel, wireless internet, clones, a BLACK PRESIDENT, it is time for some progress in this department!!! We will be reproducing forever! Unless we somehow manage to develop artificial uteri that can be worn (by men) outside the body, something that I would not hesitate to vote for, maternity clothes are a necessity. On that note, I'm thinking of starting my own nudist colony. You are not invited.
Just so you know that my rant is leading somewhere, I will tell you: it is. I was wearing a pair of "maternity" shorts yesterday that had buttons on the inside of the waist so that you could adjust the tightness. Well, these buttons, having been pressed into my upper-ass flesh all day, had left red button marks on my body.
While I was using the toilet, of course Jack was in the bathroom with me, farting around in the bathtub (fully clothed, no water), he happened to notice the button marks on my ever-growing rump and asked me about them.
"You have a button on one of your heineys!" he exclaimed. "What is that from?"
I explained about the buttons on the inside of my shorts and how they had been mashed into "one of my heineys" all day.
"Oh Mama. OUCH!!" he yelled. I couldn't decide if he had sympathy for my button-marked ass or the fact that I apparently have two of them.
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