Overheard

Dan is putting Jack to sleep, and they're lying in Jack's bed talking quietly.

Dan stops talking to clear his throat, and Jack proclaims loudly, "One thing I DO know about myself...when I cough hard, I FART hard."

Dan quickly says goodnight and runs from the room, shaking with silent laughter.

Jack calls after him, "I can hear you laaaaaaughing!"

Credibility

(This is an unpublished post I found from back on May 4th. It made me laugh, so prepare to feel dumb if it doesn't have that affect on you.)

My cousin, who is only 4 months older than I am, spent the weekend down here with us. It was wonderful. She and I grew up next-door to each other, and went to school on and off with each other, so I can safely say that she is one of those lucky people who know me best in this world (they are limited for a reason).

She and Dan were invariably drawn to each other as co-survivors of knowing-me-well (good thing we kept my sister away). They sat and talked for HOURS about ridiculous things as I rolled my eyes until they were sore. Dan was ecstatic to have someone who had not heard all of his stories, and even more excited to find that my cousin, like Dan, is what I call a fellow "fretter." So their conversations turned towards how best to worry over unforeseeable life-events, forcing me, the non-worrier, to leave the room lest my eyeballs fall out entirely. (This was probably their intention all along.)

As they discussed their worst fears (about how to mentally and physically prepare for nuclear fallout and waking up one day with a bank balance of $0), I tackled some of our never-ending laundry. Needless to say, they had more fun than I did. I could hear their excited squeals of fear-mongering as I folded clothes upstairs, wondering about my worst fear: being discovered living in Wyoming with a very sexy cowboy and sent back home to my real family.

Dream a Little Dream

Dan's Father's Day wishes have been as follows: (My commentary in parens.)

1. Go see Toy Story 3. (Done!)
2. Eat steak AND shrimp for dinner. At home. With potatoes. And an appetizer. (This may lead some of you to the conclusion that I don't regularly cook amazing dinners. Not so. He is just a simple kind of man. With a predictable appetite. Although the dual-meat thing is not something that I usually indulge, so that is the bulk of this wish.)
3. Watch golf on TV all weekend with no complaining from yours truly. (AMAZINGLY enough I have managed to adhere to this wish. It is a one-pass phenomenon.)
4. Go to the gym. (The subtext to this one is "ALONE." Usually we go together at lunchtime, and he is forced to stay UNBEARABLE EXTRA MINUTES while I stretch or, God forbid, workout for longer than 40 minutes at a time.)

"Emergency"

I know that pregnancy has side-tracked my life lately (and brain, and stomach, and wardrobe--I'm down to THREE outfits that fit), but there is a lot going on in our house. Mostly EMERGENCIES. In Jack's world, everything is an emergency. He has emergency toys, emergency clothes, emergency cups, an emergency backpack...you name it. He doesn't seem to understand the concept of emergencies, only that to label something as such makes it much more exciting and therefor way better.

All of this emergency-ing doesn't really bother me. You have to remember who I grew up with: someone who watched certain BETAMAX movies 500 times in a row (like My Little Pony: The Movie). Someone who watched these moves SO MANY TIMES that they ceased to have a grip on reality and started to believe that her family members were actually characters from this movie, and, on more than one occasion, called her mother "Scorpan" in public.

But I digress. This drama doesn't bother me, but it does bother Dan (much to my delight). Dan is not a daydreamer, so he cannot yet appreciate Jack's ventures into his imaginary emergency world. Dan is learning to tolerate the constant chatter and inane ramblings of his almost-four-year-old progeny. I, fortunately, am a pro as I already have had lots of practice from the first 7 years of my pre-parenthood relationship with Dan. Ahem.