I am delighted...

When you tip your hat to me as I am walking past, causing your wife to jab you in the ribs.

When you struggle but manage to pronounce my name correctly, even though your grasp on English is tenuous at best.

When you acknowledge my severe impatience problem, and reply to my emails with lightening speed just to make me happy.

When you assure me that you too are having a 1/3 life crisis.

When you help me clean up broken glass in the garage at 11:30pm because people are stupid...even in their 30s.

When you exclaim upon seeing me after a few months away that I look "lean," causing me to categorize this as one of my favorite compliments.

When you are legitimately convinced that Chelsea Handler will undoubtedly hear my laughter over a crowd of thousands and make fun of me.

When you bring your parents to the movies and I am so smitten with them that I want to put them in my purse and take them home with me.

Fat and Annoying

Sydney is getting...girthy. Her enthusiasm for consuming food is unmatched. UNMATCHED, PEOPLE. She will eat 99% of the foods she is offered, and never tires of packing her little face. This is a quality I greatly appreciate in a child (and a friend). All of this gorging gives her boundless energy, and although she is quite rotund, her skinny arms and legs propel her around my house like a pudgy bullet.

We went out to eat last weekend, and Sydney was ecstatic to be fed both her baby food bits and bits of all of our lunches. She couldn't decide what to focus on in her delighted greed, so she filled both of her fat fists with bits of chicken and bread, and then proceeded to lean down and goose peck (with alarming accuracy) cheerios off of the table with her little lips. Dan and I had to scoot back from the table to laugh. Needless to say, I no longer wear mascara to meals with this child.

She is also disconcertingly preceptive and is quickly learning how to manipulate all of the members of this house...even the dogs. She knows that she can sneak them anything she doesn't want (which isn't much) at the table, and that they will lick her fingers clean should they invariably get covered in cereal and/or mashed vegetables. It has taken her 10 short months to learn that Mommy will laugh at anything, even if you are in the midst of getting in trouble. (I myself am impressed that I managed to hide this fact from her for 10 months.) She likes to pinch me to see how mad I will get, and even tucks her little lips in to make her mouth into a determined line as she tries to sneak those tiny fingers in for a nasty tweak. I have had to resort to pinching her back to get her to stop. I can assure you that she does this deliberately to annoy me--so she fits right in in this crowd.

Overheard

Jack: Um, I think you need to buy me this toy that is on TV.

Me: Um, no.

Jack, in his Mom voice: If you do-on't, I will be VERY angry.

Me, non-plussed: Oh really?

Jack, whispering: Well, maybe just a little angry.


-------------------------

Dan: Jack! We're going to the store. Come on.

Jack, reaching for a small tote: OK! Let me just grab my purse.

Dan, muttering: Jesus. That's not even a purse.

Jack: OK...HANDBAG.

Threats

Me:  Jack, I will knock you into Dimension X if you do not stop pulling on the blinds.
Jack:  Nooooooooo!

Dan:  Jack, I will hang you by your toes in the woods if you do not finish your dinner.
Jack:  Nooooooooo!

Me:  Jack, I will have 10 more babies if you do not stop banging on the wall.
Jack:  Nooooooooo!

Me: Jack, I will atomize all of the cheese on this planet if you do not stop playing with the toilet seat.
Jack: Noooooooooo!

Jack:  Dinah, I will wrap you in spaghetti if you don't get off of my feet.
Dinah:  *leap*

Curious Lists

Another one from the best time-wasting book ever.

Working Titles for a Screenplay About George Washington's Space Adventures

"The British Are Orbiting!"

"Georgie Wash--Space Surveyor"

"Patriot of the Cosmos"

"First in War, First in Peace, Last in Space"

"Conquering the Void of Freedom"

"Nature Abhors a Truth Vacuum, or 'I Cannot Tell A Lie...Intergalactic or Not!'"

"I Left My Wooden Teeth on Mars"

I don't feel the same when I am away from your smile...

Happy Birthday woman, and thank you for the following fond memories of my childhood:

• When we would hold hands, and you would pull yours away far enough to tickle my palm with your thumb.
  
• Letting us watch Victor Victoria ad nauseum.
  
• 31 Birthday cakes: shaped like tic-tac-toe boards, with licorice and icing balloons, and probably at least 13 plain white ones made with egg whites only, with white frosting.
  
• Letting me drive to the Olney Shopper's Food Warehouse in your fast car, on my learner's permit, through all of the road-work, clutching the Jesus-strap the entire way.
  
• Letting me watch MTV while you ironed. (Now that I have to iron, there is no way I'd let someone else choose the programming while I perform that chore.)
  
• Lifting me out into the backyard through the kitchen window in my bright pink turtleneck.
  
• Not getting mad at me when you came home early from a Jimmy Buffet concert to find me and my boyfriend making out in my bed; instead you simply said, "Get him out of here before your father sees."
  
• After a fight, driving me around so we could talk it out, and not going home until we were both happy again.
  
• Telling me, "I hope that you have a daughter that is just like you," and meaning it for the good reasons.
  
• Teaching me to swim.
  
• My wonderful wedding (especially the part when you covered Scott B. in sparkles).
  
• Making fence-tents in the backyard with old tablecloths.
  
• The singing and dancing, all of the time, which I've never stopped doing.
  

If anyone wants to know where my heart is, tell everyone that it's wrapped around yours. (Song for Susan; Nash, Graham)

Admit It

Until today I did not know that "hair-suit" was not the correct spelling.