Oops I did it again...

Here's a bonus that I didn't publish from January (further proof that 2011 is a sneaky bastard):

Last night I was awakened by the pathetic cries of a child in distress...and greeted them with the pathetic grumblings of an adult who was comfortably sleeping. Jack was banging on his bedroom door and sobbing, and as I took the last step towards his door to open it, I heard the telltale splash of a deluge of pee hitting carpet. I opened the door to find him, half-asleep, confused, ashamed, tired, and standing in a puddle. I was shocked and tried to get him to explain why he didn't use the bathroom that is off of his room. He couldn't put together a coherent answer, so I stripped him and got him into a steamy shower and then proceeded to mop up pee. Now I can't tell you how many times in the last 10 years I've been suddenly awoken by someone's need to defecate...or to the evidence that they ALREADY HAVE. Not to shock you, but this is seedy underbelly of life with children and dogs.

When all was once again peaceful (and dry) I consoled Jack as I put him back to bed. He was really embarrassed that he had had an accident (who wouldn't be?) so I consoled him the only way I knew how: "At least you didn't have to poop!"

Conception

Jack has been expressing more and more interest in the origins of human life. While I'm tempted to sign him up for a biology class at Wake Tech, I've resorted to sharing my knowledge...in child's terms, which I prefer to use anyway...because it's funny. Jack comes up with a lot of his own generalized answers, which I haven't corrected because they're all sorta right anyway.

We've covered the bases ("inside-out penises"), and where babies grow ("girls have a guest room in their belly"), why mommies nurse ("you have holes in your chest and the milk you drink falls out nice and warm...because babies don't like cold milk"), and why men don't ("my nipples are for decoration").

Tonight, as part of the ongoing discussion, Jack explained to me where babies come from originally--as Sydney crawled all over both of us on the couch. "Actually, I'm pretty sure that babies come from a factory."

"Really?" I said, eager to hear his new line of thinking.

"Yep. And I'm pretty sure it's the same place they make sausage."

Overheard

Jack: I'm really pumped about the Superbowl this weekend.

Me: Really?

Jack: Definitely.

Me: Wow...who are you rooting for?

Jack: The Steel Packers.


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Sydney, upon seeing any professional sport on tv: FOOTBALL!!!!

I am delighted...

• When you bring home-made eggrolls to my party, and they taste amazing.
  
  
• When you manage to wait until 7am to text me even though you can barely contain your excitement.
  
  
• When you run out into the backyard, naked, to welcome the new year.
  
  
• When you ditch your family in Jersey to come spend 5 days with me and have what can only be described as a Frienaissance.
  
  
• When you check on me everyday because you know that I bore easily.
  
  
• When you take a turn doing the grocery shopping and remember to buy the wine that I like.
  
  
• When you proclaim, through a mouthful of my cupcakes, that they are delicious and you don't even like cake!
  
  
• When you continue to talk to me as I eat 7 spoonfuls of frosting as if it's no big deal.
  
  
• When you take me out for oysters twice in one month. ♥
  

Laughter...

...is the best medicine, for sure. This week, in celebration of everyone being sick (again, whee!), I am totally mooching off of one of my favorite blogs, and a woman who inspires me to let loose...literally. Enjoy a hearty chuckle: Dooce Toots.

Biology Lessons

(all from Jack if that isn't immediately obvious)

"Mom, did you know that cows pee milk?"

"Sydney has a penis...it's just hiding in her body."

"Dogs can poop outside because they have furry hineys, so they won't get cold. It is too cold for me to poop outside."

"Tomatos are red potatoes."

"This vitamin makes me act crazy...seriously, it's not me."

"I just tooted without making any noise!"

Please Sir, can I have some more?

So if you haven't already surmised by my lack of posting, the past 4 weeks have really kicked my ass. Not my butt, my ASS. Yes, internet, I am swearing!

Between the holidays, insane work, sick children, and enough household chores to overwhelm an army of maids, I was literally just trying to stay afloat in my own life. What I really need are some inflatable Life water-wings. Maybe ones that come with a cocktail holder?

In the midst of all of this...surviving, the baby is continuing her mission to become the cutest, baldest, naughtiest eating champion of the world. I'm pretty sure that she holds the number one position with that. She's also considerably augmented her vocabulary, although she calls all dogs "DINAH!!!" and now tells me "YES!" and "Noooooo" which can be helpful at times, but can also be very confusing, because she likes to trick people. (I wonder where she gets that from!?)

Jack's 5th birthday is quickly approaching, and I can't believe that I have a man-child that old. He is Mr. Superlative lately, announcing that everything is either the WORST, or (sweet smile) the best! We hear a lot of fart noises and jokes, most of which don't quite make sense yet, but still make us laugh a lot, because hey, we too are idiots. It's hard to temper the laughing with the parenting, but we're managing so far (although maybe not if you talk to my mother).